Turkey Surprise
The turkey’s in the oven;
It’s been there since the dawn.
It isn’t even brown yet, so
I wonder if it’s on?
The gravy’s started boiling;
Ten taters in the pot.
I guess I should’ve washed ‘em ‘cause
They taste bad if they’re not.
My corn is fully buttered.
Why is it jelling fast?
It might have been for all I know
Some grease from dinners past.
They’ll be here any minute.
I wish I hadn’t bragged
That I could cook a ten course feast.
I should be bound and gagged.
The beans are nice and brown now.
I think they started green.
But that’s okay because the bread
Is now that color’s sheen.
A hair dropped in the stuffing.
A roach fell in the stew.
But stirred and cooked it’s all the same;
It just will have to do.
A dozen places to be set,
And only five are clean.
But Rover’s tongue is better than
A Maytag dish machine.
My guests are all arriving,
Expressions kind of pained.
I made the incense strong because
The kittens aren’t quite trained.
With gusto full I served it,
My guests in such surprise,
To see a turkey still so pink
Set right before their eyes.
It’s fully cooked I promised;
It’s just that this bird’s made
With berry juices as its baste
So pink’s its normal shade.
But did they doubt my promise
Or was it other food
That made them wince and spit and gag?
How could they be so rude?
To top it off my thankless guests
Did call for expert aid,
And pizza soon arrived in force
To save this sad charade.
The holidays have passed us by.
I’m thankful cause I know
They’ll never ask for me to cook
Until all Hell is snow.
1 comment:
ROFL-too funny! It reminds me of the America's Funniest Video where the girl thought the giblets were stuffing in a bag and served it up to her large family who laughed until their sides split.
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