Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I Specialize in Turning Off

I have decided to accept my station in life, as well as the fact that others are born for a different task. I am a turner-offer. As I walk through my house, I always find many lights turned on with no one in the room, so I turn the lights off.

It is such a common practice now, I find that I'm surprised to see a light actually in the off state as I go by. I just naturally reach for the switch, so if it's already off, I have to stop myself before I accidentally turn it on. Please don't advise me to get a clapper. My family would think I've gone crazy walking around giving a standing ovation to an empty room.

What I couldn't understand is why all these lights would always be on. Why didn't everyone else turn lights off? Did gremlins break into the house? Did the switches spontaneously flip to the on position?

As I meditated on this, the answer finally dawned on me. When I turn of a light, the very act brings me pleasure. I have done a good thing. I have saved money. I have singlehandedly rescued our fragile environment. I'm a hero!

That means, I assume, that my wonderful children have graciously gone around and turned lights on in order to make me feel good. They have noticed that I'm in a great mood after turning a light off, in spite of my never-ending question, "Who left this light on?" Since I always end up with a smile, they probably thought the question was asked so that I could thank whoever left it on. But since my kids are so humble, they would never volunteer the information. Far be it from them to seek a reward for their kind and noble acts.

After all this soul-searching, I now realize that there are turner-onner people running around doing kind deeds for the turner-offer in the house. We turner-offers need turner-onners in order to make us happy, fulfilled, and content. In my mind, instead of being an annoyance, they are now people to whom I am indebted.

So, I hereby thank you turner-onners. You turn me on!


Pais Charos said...

ROFL!!! (man, I wish forum smilies worked here...)

I used to be a turner-onner, but was never much appreciated for it. Now, though, having my own place and all, I'm both! I'm a turner-onner and a turner-offer.

Eep! No wonder I have no time to work on my stories! I'm too busy turning lights on AND off!

S. J. Deal said...

Our main method of lighting is Christmas lights. They tend to stay on until they burn out... There are very few hours where somebody isn't using the light.

Pam Halter said...

HA!! That is great, Bryan. But I think the real reason you turn off lights is that it's in the male DNA. My dad did it. My father-in-law did it. My husband does it.

Just my female opinion. ;)

Jessica said...

ROFL!! (I also have to agree with paid charos in that I wished forum smilies worked here ^-^)

I (think) I am a turner-onner.

My mom and dad don't really appreciate it though. ^-^

To turn on or not to turn on, that is the question!

Anonymous said...

NO PROBLEMO! I am a turner-onner. I can't stand the darkness...I need to tell my parents to appreciate what I do for them. Explain that I bring happiness:)

Pais Charos said...

I read this post to my dad, and he loved it! He said I used to be his turner-onner :)

Roheryn said...

That's great! XD
I'm a turn-offer. But I've never thought (not that I think much...) of it that way... Now I feel Good!

Melissa said...

LOL!!! I loved this part:

"Please don't advise me to get a clapper. My family would think I've gone crazy walking around giving a standing ovation to an empty room."

That's hilarious!!!